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If We Could Only Let Go

by Ben Hughes

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1.
the weight, the wait, the way that we've been the late, delayed, awakening. the fate, the fade, the lesson we leave the us, the them, the comparison. the ceiling, the mattress, how I cram in between the me I've been won't let himself sleep. the wait, the weight, the me that I am.
2.
the sun forgot to come up today alert! alert! better stay inside. mother wasn't ready to go back to work, extend that weekend one more day and with a history of good attendance, I guess we'll have to let her slide. oh, remember it's just a job to do and money in the bank that keep you domesticated. the long weekend put you to sleep in a land where dreams can still be dreamed. "how can I stay here?" she asked as she buttoned the last button on her dress shrugging shoulders said "it's just life I guess." oh, remember it's just a job to do and money in the bank that keep you domesticated we know not how to live off this land high-matenance we need super stores and technology with greed steering the wheel, but oh, imagine how it would feel. If we could only let go.
3.
Stutter 02:18
I don't want to think too much patchy speech, fallen leaf where will these concerns end up message weak, incomplete. but you don't stutter in your thoughts, so tell me why do you hesitate at all? I don't want to say to much, but I got a lot to say as if it'd matter anyway seems no one understands a word that I say. so I don't want to think too much no I don't want to think too much thoughts become my handcuffs. but you don't stutter in your thoughts, so tell me why do you hesitate at all? why do you hesitate at all?
4.
a troubled mind may show no sign to the outside world as it does it's time keep it under cover, "I'm doing well, how's your mom and your daughter?" a suspect of such violent crime returning to that same scene a dozen times to put to rest a guilty conscience that longs for the life he'd have had if he'd missed. but that shot was shot and now it's out of his control once that blood spilled out, it left that body with no soul. a drunken night, a bar fight, I saw a faithful man cheating on his wife wishing to wipe the whole slate clean or that he'd wake up and it be a dream. but that seed was spread and now she sleeps on a trundle bed giving life to a kid leaves no room for regret. that daughter grew a date was set invitations sent, and he had to send his regrets. cause that shot was shot and now he had no control life on death row is no excuse for a home but that shot was shot and now he has no control cause that shot was shot and now he has no control. a troubled mind may show no sign to the outside world as it does it's time.
5.
Fairly Quiet 03:07
it's fairly quiet at the bottom when you've passed the point of having something left to give i've heard it silent at the end when you question whether or not you really lived. but now that the weather's warm let us take it for granted. there is no light, there is no tunnel, this is just life. but if I could only make myself believe when I say "I don't care" then maybe I would get somewhere. some say there's nothing at the end and others say you start again while others try and play pretend. I know I don't know and no belief will change what will happen. but now that the weather's warm let us take it for granted. there is no light, there is no tunnel, this is our life. but if I could only make myself believe when I say "I don't care" then maybe I would get somewhere. maybe I would I get somewhere.
6.
home, where she wanted to be with all her clothing at her feet completely naked and free. home, with a couple books to read she's like the devil, but she's sweet when she is naked and free. out on her own, the world is big so now her problems seem so small. a speck on a page, a second in a day. home, where she's longing to be same old habits for the new week life like a goddamn zombie. now we know we're all ashamed at the way we're too distracted to live in the current day. out on her own, the world is big so now her problems seem so small. she's just a speck on a page, she's just a second in a day trying to live in the current day.
7.
I've been feeling this way for longer than expected feel my spine tighten up, wishing I could forget it. I've seen brick walls tumble down, so how are my feet safe here on the ground unless I keep moving them, so I'm gonna keep moving. I've been feeling like this for longer than expected. watch my time disappear, and I well with resentment. I know feelings have no sound driven like a stake into my brow and no one can feel it like the way I've been feeling. but if I keep these feet moving throughout the week, nothing can stop me. I've been told I made a mistake for standing up and doing things my own way I lost my job, but I'm still breathing nothing can stop me. if I keep these feet moving throughout the week, nothing can stop me.
8.
Jump Start 03:02
they say his songs require and acquired taste could it be just a mean thing to say in a sort of nice way? correct semantically. I know I might be going off but sometimes I really wonder if I've ever written anything in my life that was good at all. but then I think about how either way it kept me from going under. it saved me from me because sometimes, a jump start is all I need. it saved me from me, and didn't cause anxiety. I know I might be going off but sometimes I still wonder if I've ever written anything in my life that was good at all. but then I think about how either way it kept me from going under. it saved me from me because sometimes, a jump start is all I need. it saved me from me, and didn't cause anxiety.
9.
I used to take time for granted used to think life would turn out the way I planned it. but now I'm settling in and not doing anything I want. and I can't -- how I can't stand it. what a terrible thing to have had a dream. when am I going to find the time to put the dishes away? when am I going to find the time to fold my laundry? I used to take time for granted used to think life would turn out the way I planned it. but now I'm settling in and not doing anything I want. and I can't -- how I can't stand it. what a terrible thing to have had a dream. when am I going to find the time?
10.
My Feet 02:41
I've been moving my feet, but I'm not where I want to be. (I've been trying to find the root of my...) sadness even if I could see it... I wouldn't believe it, even if I could see it.
11.
I'm digging for what my shovel can't find. looked up, red sun, wipe my brow sweating out all that ails. a lonely man once caught a fish, and through his hunger pains never ate it. cause everyone wants a friend. yeah, everyone needs a friend. waiting by the bank, she never gets a bite she paints her face while she waits, preparation can help. a lovely girl once hooked a guy, and through all the abuse just smiled. cause everyone wants a friend. everyone needs a friend. someone to talk to someone to help pull you through. everyone wants a friend, everyone needs a friend.
12.
I Am Not 03:00
my heart completely breaks I am broken broken to the core my base is shaking my me is fraying. I am not without her love oh, I am not. she'll never forgive me she'll just get harder, and harder to reach. no, she'll never forgive me, she'll just get harder to reach. I am not without her love oh, I am not. she'll never forgive me she'll just get harder, and harder to reach. no, she'll never forgive me, she'll just get harder to reach.

about

Listen on Spotify: open.spotify.com/album/65QuNJHg3RWNwBouRXuOFt
_______________________

I wanted to finish the 12 Albums project in the strongest way I could, while remaining true to the DIY lo-fi spirit present throughout the whole project.

Here's the recipe I used for "If We Could Only Let Go"

-Narrow song list down to 12
-Use one mic for everything (Audio Technica AT3035)
-Use a very specific instrumental palette: Voice, MiniKorg Synth, Taylor Acoustic, 1965 Silvertone (Danelectro) Bass, Drums & Percussion.
-Go off the deep end with vocal harmonies and the MiniKorg.

Limitations are a wonderful thing, especially when you give yourself two weeks to make a 12 song record in the time you find between work & sleep.
_______________________

I was going to go into detail about what all of these songs we're written about, but I'll leave that up to your interpretation.

One thing I'll say is that this has been the best, worst, coolest, craziest, most stressful, most rewarding, most painful, most fun, roller coaster ride of a year that I can remember. While I'm glad I got to ride, I would not recommend it.

Thank you all so much for the love and support throughout this crazy, crazy year.

I hope these songs meet you where you are.
_______________________

Press on this album from WXPN's The Key:
thekey.xpn.org/2015/12/08/ben-hughes-final-album/#more-181630
_______________________

For mixing & mastering all 12 albums: Ryan (couldn't have done this without you, my friend).

For guidance, support, encouragement, patience, love & tolerance throughout this year: Jess, Ryan, Steph, my family.

For constant enthusiasm/support & help with getting the word out on 12 Albums: John & the rest of the good people at The Key & XPN, Tabby, Dan Drago, Haley & The Philly Folksong Society, Milkboy, Vince, Tad, James Suit, Christian, Jesse, Nick Cislak, Adam, Davis, Carolyn & Sofar Sounds, Nick Hughes, Chris.

Thanks

credits

released December 4, 2015

Produced & Engineered by Ben Hughes.
Recorded in my room during the last two weeks of November '15.
Mixed & Mastered by Ryan Buzby.
All music performed by Ben Hughes*
All songs written by Ben Hughes (Benjamin Hughes ASCAP).

*Group Vocals on "Everyone Needs a Friend" by Ryan Buzby, Vince Sceno & Ben Hughes.

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Ben Hughes New Jersey

"...channels musicians like Elliott Smith, Bright Eyes, and Sufjan Stevens, as on Hughes’ previous releases. But this record immediately calls to mind Pedro the Lion’s Control, with its deep-voiced chords and melodies, lyrical themes of corporate hell, and Hughes’ slurring voice. It could stand as a complimentary album to Control just as well as it stands on its own."

-Nick Tate, WXPN
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